


Games

by chooken



Category: Westlife
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Best Friends, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Embarrassment, Lapdance, M/M, Questions, Secret Crush, Sex Shop, Truth or Dare, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3134849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chooken/pseuds/chooken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kian loves Mark, Mark loves Kian.  But stubbornness, misunderstandings and years of lies can only be resolved with a series of awkward games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Games

Mark pulled his baseball cap down over his sunglasses, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. The last thing he needed right now was for people to recognise him, especially being where he was. It was fine for the others; they didn’t care that someone might recognise them in an adult shop. They all had wives and girlfriends, an excuse. He had nobody.

He shuddered as Kian walked over and slapped him on the back. He realised there was no point hiding when he was with the other three. They were so much more obvious than him and if they were spotted, it would be assumed he was with them. Even so, he glared at Kian as his friend started teasing him, stealing his baseball cap, Mark’s only means of anonymity.

“Aww.” Kian smiled smugly, holding the cap behind his back as Mark grabbed at it. “Is ickle Marky embawassed?” Mark snatched for the cap again, glancing around warily at the other shoppers, who were sneaking glances at the scene developing in the back of the shop between two members of a well known boyband. “Come on Marky, you shouldn’ be embawassed! Do you think someone’s gonna wecognise you in here, huh?”

“Kian...” Mark said, trying to sound menacing through an embarrassed squeak. Kian smirked.

“Yes Mark? Mark Feehily?” His voice was starting to get considerably louder for the benefit of the other patrons. “Mark Feehily from Westlife? Mark Feehily from Westlife who is in a sex shop?”

Mark’s cheeks turned red and he snatched for his hat again, knowing there was really no reason to bother anymore. If people hadn’t spotted him before, Kian’s speech had definitely alerted people to his presence. He could already see a girl taking a pen and paper out of her bag, an excited look on her face.

Shit.

“Leave him alone Egan.” Shane said, mercifully intervening. Kian rolled his eyes, placing Mark’s hat backwards on his own head, and turned to the girl who had just walked up, signing her paper and then passing it around for all the others to scribble on. She blushed gratefully and walked away.

Leaving Mark standing in a sex shop with the biggest idiots on the planet.

He wandered over to Nicky, if anything to get away from Kian, who was chasing Shane through the shop with an anal plug. Oh well, he thought, maybe if they kept it up they’d just be kicked out and Mark could go back to the hotel and do something _normal_. Then again it’d probably be worse to be in the paper for being _thrown out_ of a sex shop. Life didn’t get much better than this, he mused sarcastically

When he walked up, Nicky was looking at the girlie lingerie, and Mark had to look away, feeling colour build high in his cheeks. He really did not want to be thinking about Nicky’s wife like that.

Nicky smiled in greeting and picked up a crotchless g-string, eyeing it carefully before replacing it and picking up another, adding it to his quickly increasing pile of potential purchases. Mark averted his eyes, staring at a row of vibrators instead. Christ, why had he walked into the girly section?

“So.” Nicky said quietly, glancing around in case there were any eavesdroppers. “When are you gonna tell Kian you fancy him?”

“Nicky!” Mark squeaked. They were in public for Christ’s sakes and Kian was _right over there_. He glared at his friend, who shrugged.

“What? No-one can hear.”

“Why did I even tell you?” Mark groaned, trying to look interested in some penis-shaped candles.

“Because I heard you having a wank thinking about him.” Nicky smirked. “You know, you’re quite loud when you get going.”

“Nicky!” Mark hissed, glancing around in case anyone had suddenly gotten closer. He was lucky. The shop was mostly empty now and Shane and Kian were having a dildo fight at the other end. “Could you just drop it please?”

“No.” Nicky replied placidly, turning a vibrator over in his hand and hefting it before adding it to his purchase pile. “I’m being the concerned friend. He is bi, you know. It’s not like he’s completely off-limits.”

“I know that, you daft prick.” Mark whispered, watching as Shane started beating Kian around the head with a long silver dildo. The shop assistant had gotten that ‘I hope you’re going to buy that’ look, and was watching the two friends disdainfully. “But he’s got Jodi and I don’t want to rock the boat. He’s happy. That’s the main thing.”

“But you’re not.” Nicky pointed out, running his finger along the row of flavoured body paint before finding his preferred flavour and snatching it off the shelf, handing it to Mark as well as some of his other acquisitions. “Here. Carry some of this for me.” He glanced over at Shane and Kian, who were placing the enormous dildos over the front of their own trousers and swinging their fake willies about like elephants trunks. “Christ, you’d think they’d never been a sex shop before.” Mark shrugged noncommittally and Nicky turned to look at him, then Kian, then back to Mark. “I think you’d look good together.”

“Drop it Nix.” Mark said desolately, taking the glitter that Nicky handed to him. “It’s not going to happen and I need to move on. Can we not bring it up again?”

Nicky sighed. “Fine.” He looked over at Shane and Kian again, frowning. “Come on, let’s go buy this and get out of here before those two embarrass themselves any more.”

 

*

 

They sat out the front of a little Italian café ten minutes later, their original destination when Shane had spotted the sex shop and demanded they check it out. Mark had buried his face in the beer Nicky had handed him in an attempt to avoid looking up into the blue eyes directly across the table, the eyes that had haunted his dreams for long months.

Kian was happy, he told himself. Kian would never consider him because he was happy with Jodi. He should just let it go.

But somehow he couldn’t.

He glanced up over the rim of his glass, his eyes as always drawn to his friend. Kian seemed to be taking no notice of him, was talking animatedly to Shane, and Mark looked back into his drink. Kian didn’t fancy him and never would. Nicky was wrong. He had no chance.

Kian laughed at something Shane said and Mark smiled. He liked it when Kian laughed. Nicky saw his smile and cocked his head questioningly, Mark indicating that it was nothing. Nicky nodded and stood.

“Right, I’m going for a slash. Back in a min.”

“Because we really needed to know that.” Kian retorted, taking a sip of his drink and wiping the foamy mess off his upper lip with his sleeve. Mark knew of a much nicer way that could be removed, but chose to bite his tongue. The last thing Kian needed was for his friend to be lusting after him.

He stood up as well, following Nicky to the toilets. He didn’t really want to stay here, with one less person to distract him from Kian’s charms. Plus Shane and Kian were acting so chummy today he felt like an extra wheel.

Shane watched them go before turning back to Kian, who sat hunched over his drink, suddenly deflated now that the other boys had gone. Shane patted Kian’s shoulder and smiled kindly, bending over to whisper in his ear.

“You’ve got it bad, don’t you mate?”

Kian nodded sadly, taking an obligatory mouthful of beer. Shane winced.

“You should tell him, you know.” Shane said quietly, glancing around to make sure there were no stray ears turned in his general direction. “He’s your best friend. Even if he’s not interested, it’s not like he’s going to beat you up or yell at you or anything. You need closure.”

Kian shook his head. “He won’t be interested. He’s straight as a ruler. I should just forget about him, stop wasting my time. I mean, I’ve got Jodi! I should be happy, but...”

“But.” Shane repeated. “…you’ve got a thing for Mark.”

“Yeah.” Kian said softly, raking his hand through his long-again blonde locks. “But.”

Shane stroked his back gently, glad that there weren’t many people around. He felt so sorry for Kian. It was hell to be in love with someone you couldn’t have, he knew from personal experience. He was perfectly happy with Gillian of course, but he sometimes still wondered what would have happened if he’d just told Nicky how he’d felt about him. Nobody knew about his feelings, he didn’t feel the need to share. He’d moved on. They were happy now and Shane wouldn’t have it any other way, but there was still that lingering ‘what if...?’ that hung in the air occasionally. Shane didn’t want Kian stuck for the rest of his life on a ‘what if?’; never finding out if Mark felt the same way.

“You alright?” Shane said after Kian had been silent for a moment. Kian nodded and sat up properly.

“Yeah. It’s just so hard when he’s always right there, you know?”

Shane nodded. He did know.

Nicky returned from the toilets a second later, flanked by Mark. Kian looked down at his drink when Mark returned and Shane smiled sympathetically before turning, meeting a pair of bright blue eyes that still took his breath away, even after all this time. He felt nothing towards Nicky now but deep affection masking an underlying splash of lust, but he still thought about it sometimes. He loved Gillian with all his heart, but...

What if?

 

*

 

After the show that night it was back on the bus and headed for the next stop. Mark wasn’t sure where it was and didn’t much care. As long as they got the name of the city right on the night, it didn’t really matter. He hated it when they got to this last point of the tour, when they were just going through the motions. It was a massive buzz for the first couple of months, but after a while it got tedious doing the same songs night in, night out. He did try to have fun for the fans, remembering that for most of them it was their first time seeing the show, but it was hard sometimes when you were tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. Though, as Nicky said, you were always ready to go again two months after it had finished.

The four of them were sat up the top in the front, watching idly as the road rolled away beneath them in a constant stream of black and white. Mark’s eyes, as always, fell on Kian, who was sitting on the opposite chair with his feet propped up against the window.

Nicky rolled off his seat and onto the floor, lying next to Shane, who glanced at him and smiled before staring at the ceiling again.

“I’m bored...” Nicky whined, his trademark pout displayed to full childish perfection.

“We’re all bored.” Mark said. “Think of something to do.” He watched as Kian rolled to the floor and lay beside Nicky. Not one to be left out, Mark joined them, sprawling next to Shane and trying to figure out just what was so interesting about the ceiling. Putting it down to a lack of better things to do, he joined in the game, suddenly finding the white surface fascinating.

“I know!” Nicky exclaimed, getting up and disappearing through the stairwell. The remaining boys glanced at each other for a second, trying to decide whether to follow. In the end they were united in a bid of lazy solidarity, deciding there was no point in getting up until Nicky came back.

Nicky was back moments later anyway, proudly brandishing a pack of cards as he resumed his position between Kian and Shane.

“We’ve played cards already Nix.” Kian groaned. It was true. Poker, Twenty-one, Go-fish, Snap, Last Card and various other games people had ‘picked up from somewhere’. Cards had been done to death.

“They’re not regular cards.” Nicky explained. “They’re truth or dare cards. I got ‘em from that sex-shop today.”

“You want us to play dirty truth or dare with you?” Shane stated reproachfully, looking at Nicky with a reasonable amount of distrust in his eyes.

“Because you have something better to do.” Nicky retorted, whacking Shane lightly on the chest with the back of his hand.

Kian stretched on the floor, hooking his feet into the chair in front and his hands into the carpet behind to pull himself taut, yawning as he did so. Mark couldn’t help but watch in fascination as toned muscles moved sensually with the unhurried writhing of his torso. He jerked out of his reverie when Kian spoke, and swallowed around his suddenly dry tongue.

“Yeah, alright.” Kian sighed.

“Alright.” Shane said warily. “How do we play?”

Nicky looked at the instructions on the back of the little cardboard box. “We pick someone and then draw a card. They pick truth or dare and have to do whatever the card says. If they don’t, they have to take a drink. I get to go first cos I picked it.”

“Of course.” Kian said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up.” Nicky said, sticking his tongue out. “Right, Triggs.” Shane nodded absently at the ceiling, lost in his own thoughts. “Shane!” Shane jumped and glared at Nicky as the others laughed. “Truth or dare.”

“Oh er...” Shane thought for a second, trying to figure out which would be easier. “Truth.”

Nicky grinned and removed the first card, a smile slowly crossing his face as he read it. “Right. Truth. Y’sure?” Shane nodded, knowing Nicky was probably winding him up to pick dare. Nicky grinned. “Okay. Describe the last sexy dream you had.”

“Nix!”

“What?” Nicky said innocently, showing Shane the card. “I’m just reading the card.”

Shane grumbled, his face starting to heat up. He couldn’t tell the truth, that much was obvious. The last sexy dream he’d had, even though he felt guilty for it, involved Nicky and whipped cream. He wanted that one to remain his guilty little secret. He sort of felt like he was cheating on Gillian.

Shane shrugged. “Err... Gill and me.” He left it there and Nicky raised an eyebrow.

“Come on, you’re supposed to describe it, not just give the people involved. That’s obvious! Give us details!”

Shane shook his head, his cheeks turning red. “Do I have to?” Nicky nodded eagerly and Shane sighed. “There was whipped cream involved. But that’s all you’re getting!”

Nicky laughed and put the card back in the pack. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Shane scowled. “Right, your turn to pick!”

Shane took the deck and glanced around. “Kian, truth or dare?”

The game continued for a good while, Kian managing to ‘find’ a large bottle of whisky to make it considerably more interesting. The major upside of this was that a lot of the confessions would be forgotten as a result, and the dares could be put down to the effect of the alcohol.

“Mark?”

“What...?” Mark rolled over to look in confusion at Shane, then realised what the older boy was asking. “Oh, er... truth.”

Shane pulled out a card. “Alright... Have you ever been sexually attracted to a member of the same sex?”

Mark blushed. Well, this would be the perfect time to come out, wouldn’t it? No, of course it wouldn’t. If anything, it would probably hurt Kian and Shane’s feelings that it had taken alcohol to make him confess. And he couldn’t just take a drink, could he? That’d be like admitting it.

“Erm...” He felt his cheeks go even hotter under Nicky’s curious gaze. He turned to look at the older boy, who shrugged. “I, uh...” He turned back to Shane, who was now looking at him eagerly. “I... yes. Okay. Yes."

Nicky smirked, but he was the only one. Shane and Kian were looking at him with surprise in their eyes, but then Kian piped up.

“Who?”

“Not my turn.” Mark defended himself, reaching for another card and turning to Kian. “Truth or dare.”

“Dare.”

Mark blinked at the words on the card, wishing to heaven above that he could turn back time and pick another card. “I’m picking again.”

That was entirely the wrong thing to say, as immediately all three other boys descended on him, grappling for the card. Mark did the only thing he could think of. He shoved it down his trousers.

Which proved to be an even worse idea.

Immediately, Kian was on top of him, Mark’s hands pinned above his head and trapped in one of Kian’s, with Kian’s other hand delving... oh.

“Got it.” Kian exclaimed, yanking the card out and holding it aloft, leaving Mark thanking god that he hadn’t put it right down inside his boxers. “Right, so...” Kian blinked, and Mark wasn’t sure whether to feel hurt or relieved by the shock on Kian’s face. “We’re picking another card.”

“Oh no.” Nicky said, taking it. Mark prayed. Maybe Nicky would think of his situation and decide to take pity on him. Maybe...

“Oh man, you so have to do this, Kian!”

“What is it?” Shane reached over and took the card, reading it aloud. “Give the reader of this card a lap-dance. Kian! Go for it, mate!”

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“No way.” Mark and Kian said together, before turning to laugh in embarrassment at each other. “I’ll take the drink.” Kian said, reaching for the bottle, which Shane snatched away.

“No...” Shane mocked. “Come on, Kino. Give Marky his ickle dance.” Mark looked to Nicky for help, but the older boy just shrugged.

“Sorry, mate. The card says so.”

“But...” Mark groaned. In truth, he would have loved for Kian to do that, but not in this situation! God, Kian didn’t even know... well... what if certain areas started responding!? Then Kian would know... oh god. Oh god. They couldn’t... oh god.

“Fine.”

Mark’s head whipped up in shock as the words left Kian’s lips, turning an accusing glare on the older boy. Kian shrugged. “Look, we’ll just do it quick, and then forget about it, yeah? Anything to shut these idiots up.”

“But...” Mark swallowed. He could keep himself under control. He could.

“Just a quick one.” He mentally slapped himself as the words left his lips. Idiot, Mark. Idiot. Drunken, stupid, idiot.

He rolled his eyes as Shane and Nicky began to whistle and catcall, crawling up into one of the seats and raising an eyebrow at Kian, who scrambled red-faced to his feet. He purposefully averted his eyes as Kian came closer, and had to shut them when the blonde sat down, his scent overwhelming Mark for a second, the solid weight on Mark’s knees making his throat threaten unambiguous noises.

“Um okay so...” He looked up to see Kian looking confused. “Er... how do I do this? Exactly?”

“How... how the fuck am I supposed to know?” Mark spluttered, staring into Kian’s confused eyes. “I don’t exactly do this every day do I?”

“No but...” Kian’s eyes were downcast, cheeks red, and Mark sighed, leaning back in his seat and staring at the ceiling. “Look, this is stupid. I’m done.”

“Wait...” Mark surprised himself by putting a hand on Kian’s shoulder. Kian just looked so utterly mortified that he couldn’t help it, and he squeezed gently as the smaller boy looked up at him with wide eyes. “Just... wriggle about a bit.” He smiled encouragingly, moving his hands to Kian’s hips and ignoring the rush of arousal that spread through him. “Just do it quickly and it’ll be over.”

“O...okay...” Biting his lip, Kian put his hands gently on Mark’s shoulder, pressing harder as he began to move his hips slowly and rhythmically. Once, twice, three times, and Mark caught himself looking up into anxious blue eyes that blinked at him as Kian drew in a deep, calming breath. Mark found his hands gripping tighter to Kian’s hips as he was drawn into the deep sky blue that widened under his gaze. He felt hot, his chest beginning to move faster as the weight of Kian across his thighs rocked closer and closer to his groin, a tongue dragging across full lips before teeth bit into it, their faces drawing nearer...

“That’s it.” Kian stood without warning, looking away as Mark was left cold, and he blinked around the room to find Nicky staring at him, something incomprehensible and apologetic in his eyes. Mark shook his head, standing up.

“I’m going to bed.”

“No... stay and have a drink.” Shane replied, but his eyes were fixed on Kian, who was already headed for the stairs. “Where are you going?”

“The toilet.” Kian replied, shaking his head as he dashed down the stairs, face red. Mark waited a moment and then followed, stones weighting his stomach and bringing tears to his eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d done that. God, Kian couldn’t have missed how hard he was, it was so bloody obvious! And he’d nearly... nearly... fuck! He’d nearly fucking kissed his best friend, and Kian knew it. Probably hated him. Probably was trying to think of a nice way to tell him where to get off. Had retreated downstairs, absolutely mortified that someone like Mark would even dare to think of him that way.

Mark paused as the toilet door slammed shut, the tiny bus bedroom suddenly very cold now, bathed in the miniscule sliver of light coming from under the toilet door. He shut his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose, and then kept walking, sitting down on the bed and resting his face in his hands.

Fuck.

It was a long time before Kian came out of the bathroom, and Mark shut his eyes when the door swung open, pulling the blankets tighter around him and pretending to be asleep. He heard soft footsteps pad towards him, and froze as they paused nearby, Kian’s soft breaths audible from where Mark was laid in silence, trying to regulate his breathing. After a moment Kian moved on again, and Mark opened his eyes to watch Kian’s legs disappear up the ladder into the bunk above.

He heard a soft murmur and turned his head, listening carefully as the murmur was repeated, Kian’s voice echoing down from above.

“Fuck.”

Mark choked back a sob, burying his face in the pillow as he moved to lie on his stomach, hugging tight to his dodgy bus pillow. He drew his knees to his chest, tears pricking his eyes as he shook his head desperately, trying to erase the thoughts flying through his head.

“Mark?”

Mark froze, squeezing his eyes shut against the tentative whisper drifting down.

“Mark?” A harsh breath broke the whisper. “You awake?”

Mark nodded to himself, rolling onto his back and looking up, imagining Kian on the other side of the paper thin slice of wood and mattress. Taking a deep breath, he replied.

“Yeah.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s okay, Ki. What’s up?”

“Um...” He heard Kian sigh, and then shift. “Um... can I talk to you?”

“Of course.” Mark curled himself into a tighter ball, anticipating the onslaught he just knew was coming. He was surprised then, when Kian’s head dropped down from above, blue eyes flashing cautiously in the dark.

“Can... can I come down there? I just...”

Mark nodded, shuffling backwards to make room as Kian rolled off the side of the bunk, dropping to the ground nearby, bent knees softening the thump. He smiled for a moment, and then sat down on the edge of Mark’s bunk, nudging Mark’s legs out of the way.

“I need some advice.” He said after a long moment, blinking down at the floor. “I’m sorry to heap shit on you but I just... I need some help because... because...” He drew in a deep, watery breath, eyes shutting tight. “I broke up with Jodi this afternoon.”

“Oh... Ki...” Mark attempted, his head reeling with shock as Kian’s eyes dulled and closed. Sitting up, he placed a hand on Kian’s shoulder, stroking gently. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t know...”

“That’s okay.” A quick shake of the head made messy blond locks fly in all directions, settling back as Kian stopped to stare at the opposite wall. “I needed to get my head round it. Have a bit of fun, y’know, normal time before I... I had everyone fussing over me. I mean, it’s not like she broke it off, is it?”

“Yeah.” Mark ran his hand gently down Kian’s back, and then back up to the nape, rubbing gently, not allowing himself to get lost in the precious sensation of supple flesh under his palm, especially when it was tensed with so much confusion and distress. “Why?” Kian looked up at him, confusion crossing his handsome features, and Mark shrugged. He had to know. “Why did you break it off with her?”

“I dunno.” Kian sighed, resting his elbows on his knees. “I never saw her, I guess. There was no point. And when I did, there were other things to worry about. Westlife, Hollyoaks, the press, everything. It just got too much...” He bit his lip. “I didn’t feel like I really knew her anymore. I never saw her, for god sakes, and it just...” He shrugged. “...went. There was nothing there.”

“You stopped loving her?”

“I stopped being in love with her. There’s a difference.” Warm flesh shifted under Mark’s palm when Kian turned to look at him, eyes filled with something he wasn’t sure he could define. “I... needed something that was constant. She did too, I think. She... she was... devastated, of course, but... I think she felt the same way. Things have been souring for awhile, it was just me that finally...”

“Did the deed?”

Kian nodded. “Exactly. God.” He buried his face in his hands, and Mark sat up, pulling him into a gentle hug, Kian pushing his face into the crook of his neck. Mark held tight as Kian sat rigid in his arms, fingers grasping at his own face. After a moment Kian shook his head, pulling away carefully. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I dunno. Being miserable. It isn’t fair.”

“It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do with my time, is it?” Mark joked, pulling back to brush a tear away from Kian’s bloodshot, damp eyes and feeling something twist inside him. “You’ll be okay. I mean, look at me. I’m still single and there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“You’re a bad liar.” Kian chuckled through his tears, ruffling Mark’s hair. “You can’t honestly tell me you don’t get lonely sometimes? It’s been ages.”

“Well.” Mark shrugged. “Guess I just haven’t found the right one yet. And there was that thing in Sweden...”

“That was three years ago!” Kian’s smile was disbelieving, and Mark shrugged, turning away and laying back down, his face to the wall. “Mark... look...” Kian crawled over, draping himself across Mark’s body so he could look him in the face. Mark shoved him away, but it was half-hearted, and Kian was back moments later. “I just want you to be happy and you’re not, for whatever reason. I...” Kian paused, and Mark could see his brain working much faster than it’s usual speed. He tapped his chin pointedly, biting his lip in thought. “Who was that bloke you liked that time, anyway?”

“Kian! God!” Mark felt his face turn red, and shoved Kian away. “Jesus, that was just a stupid bloody game. I’m not gay!”

“But you did fancy a bloke.”

“So? All straight blokes... they wonder, don’t they?”

“I… I guess. Yeah. I dunno. Never really thought about it.” Kian shrugged, and then gave him an impish grin, making Mark laugh even against his best intentions. “Truth or dare.”

Mark’s face abruptly fell. “What?”

“Truth or dare!” Kian bounced gently on the bed, sitting cross legged in the gap between Mark’s stomach and the wall. “We’re figuring you out, once and for all.”

“Kian... I really don’t want to do this right now.”

“Well, you are, so truth or dare.”

Mark sighed. He was _not_ picking truth. “Dare.”

“I dare you to tell me who you fancied.”

“What? That’s not fair!”

“Sure it is.” Kian laughed, and then Mark stilled as the smaller boy studied him for a moment, his face softening. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to.”

“No, it’s okay.” Mark shrugged, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I just don’t...”

“Understood.” Kian lay down next to him until they were almost nose to nose, hot breath brushing Mark’s face and making his flesh tingle and his blood hot. He sighed, shutting his eyes and forcing himself not to smile when Kian’s hand brushed his. “You know, I was always surprised you were straight.”

“What...?” Mark choked out, wondering if maybe he should be offended. It wasn’t like he was obviously gay, was it? He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d worn pink or gestured or cried or anything. He wasn’t obvious, was he?

“No, I mean... you just never seemed... you were... um...” Kian blushed. “I’m just digging myself into a deeper hole here, aren’t I? You don’t act gay, that’s not what I meant.”

“Um... thanks?” Mark wrinkled his nose. “Neither do you.”

"Well, thanks.” Kian laughed. “I only act half gay. What I meant was...” Kian trailed off, biting his lip. “I dunno what I mean.”

“Well that makes two of us.”

“Yeah. I dunno. It was just a vibe I got from you. I never thought you were gay, but I thought you might... bat for both teams. I don’t know. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Mark laughed, tugging Kian closer and smiling when the elder boy grinned, their noses actually brushing for a moment. Kian grinned, and Mark had to fight the urge to kiss him. “So how are you about Jodi?”

“I’m surprisingly okay.” Kian said after a long, thoughtful moment. “I feel kind of free actually. I’ll miss her, she was my best friend, but I spent so much time worrying about us that... that it feels kind of freeing. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

“What way?”

“The way that it couldn’t have just worked out. I’d give anything for a normal relationship... with anyone. Some people, they... get up together in the morning, and go to bed together at night, and they love each other and it’s private. I just... can’t. We can’t.” The soft sigh was shaky, and Mark hugged him. “But we’re living the dream. Right?”

“Right.” Mark conceded, stroking over Kian’s cheek. “Wish we were S Club. With girls and guys. We’d have the perfect partners, eh?”

Kian laughed softly. “Yeah. Except we’d be crap.”

“Yeah.” Mark laughed, his heart slowly crumbling within his chest. He was so in love it hurt, Kian’s heat was pressed all along his body, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it except lay back and let it happen. He wanted so many things, and not one of them could he have. He wanted Kian.

“I can’t believe they made me give you a lap-dance.”

Kian’s voice broke through his thoughts, and he was shocked into a laugh, giggling at the mischievous smirk on Kian’s face.

“I know. God that was embarrassing!”

“Yeah.” Kian bit his lip, and Mark wondered at the fact that his face looked slightly red. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.”

“It... isn’t your fault.” Mark shrugged. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“Why?”

“Well... because of Jodi. It was probably a bit... much.”

“What, in case it suddenly made me desperately attracted to you?” Kian chuckled. “Don’t worry. It didn’t. And anyway, I should be sorry, right? It was a bit weird. I should’ve just taken the drink. I guess I’d had too much already. Wasn’t thinking right.”

“That’s okay.” Mark lied.

“And as for Jodi… that’s the exact reason I didn’t want to tell you lads straight away. I don’t need you coddling me.”

“I didn’t mean…”

“I know you didn’t.” Kian replied defensively. Then sighed. “Sorry. I need to stop taking this out on you.”

“You can if you want. I don’t mind.”

Kian nodded, shuffling so close to Mark that their lips would have touched if it weren’t for the height difference. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

There was a sudden burst of laughter from upstairs, and the two of them paused while it died down, hearing something that sounded distinctly like: “Shane, you plonker!” laughed at the top of a hoarse voice. It died away eventually, and Mark turned back to grin at Kian, the tense atmosphere having dispersed while they were distracted.

“Want to sleep? Sorry, I probably woke you up.”

That was it, conversation effectively finished. There wasn’t anything more to say, not really, just some half-hearted cursory explanations that Mark didn’t feel like dealing with at the moment, not this late at night.

 

*

 

When Mark was shaken awake it was still too dark to see, and he blinked into the darkness, wishing his eyes would hurry up and adjust already. Kian smiled at him, sitting down.

“Wake up. We’re here.”

“Where?” Mark mumbled, rolling over and tugging the blankets up, his mind vaguely registering that the bus was no longer moving, and the engine had stopped humming underneath him.

“The hotel. Come on, you can go to sleep inside.”

“Okay.” Mark muttered through the cotton wool packing his head, letting Kian lead him down the stairs and into the car park lifts. The lights were all on, he could hear crickets chirping before the doors slid shut, and he turned to Kian once he was coherent enough, yawning. “What time is it?”

Kian glanced at his watch. “Just after four a.m. We don’t have to do anything today, so you can sleep.”

“Oh goody.” Mark murmured, leaning back against the mirrored wall and shutting his eyes. He had actually drifted off, and was jolted awake by the lift grinding to a halt. He opened his eyes wide in shock, not sure where he was for a second. Then Kian smiled at him.

“You awake?”

“Barely.” Mark yawned, letting Kian push him down the hall, accepting the key that was thrust into his hand. “Where’s the others?”

“Shane’s getting the stairs with Nicky.” Kian replied, then pointed at the door Mark was stood in front of. “Your room.” He gestured to the next one along. “My room.” Then back behind them. “Jake’s room. Got it?”

“Barely.” Mark repeated, lifting the key with uncooperative fingers and managing to open the door on the second attempt. Kian was already halfway down the hall.

“Want me to wake you if we go anywhere today?”

“As long as it’s after midday.”

Kian laughed. “Deal. Go to sleep.”

Mark realised he was nodding to himself when Kian’s door closed with a quiet thud. He shook his head at himself, stumbling into the room. It was dark. Good. He collapsed onto the bed, and fell promptly asleep.

 

*

 

“Kian…? Oh sorry.” Mark clamped a hand over his mouth when Kian waved at him, phone cradled to the side of his head. Mark motioned that he was going to come back later, but Kian gestured at him to sit down, still talking on the phone.

“I’ve gotta go, love. Mark’s just come round. Yeah, that’s right. Okay. Yeah, okay, fuck off. I’m not… he’s here, okay? Go away. Yeah, whatever. Love you. Bye.” He clicked the phone off and tossed it onto the table, then turned to smile at Mark, who had made himself comfortable on the bed.

“You’re finally awake then?”

Mark yawned. He’d not woken up until past midday, and he was still feeling sleepy. The sleep had done him good, though, he was feeling less exhausted and a little more with it, even if he was still yawning.

“Yeah. Thought I’d come visiting.”

“Ah, good. Well, Nicky and Shane have gone somewhere. I don’t know where. I only woke up a little while ago, myself. Just heard them bashing out.” He smiled curiously at Mark. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Mark shook his head, trying to ignore the phone call he’d walked in on. What had that been? Kian had only broken up with Jodi the day before yesterday, who was this new person? How the hell had someone managed to jump in ahead of him in the queue for Kian again? “Who were you talking to?” He asked finally.

“Jodi. She’s got a shoot on today.”

“I thought you guys broke up?” He did not sound desperate. He didn’t sound desperate at all.

“Yeah. But we’re still friends. I can’t just stop loving her. She’s my best friend.”

“Oh.” Mark felt his forehead wrinkle as he tried to process that information, but before he could get a hold of it, Kian spoke again.

“Did you wanna do something today?”

“I’ve not thought that far ahead.” Mark chuckled. “I’ve just woken up.”

“Ah. Well, I was gonna go out shopping, if you’re up for it?”

Mark shrugged. Why not? It was a chance to spend some time with Kian, and it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do.

He ran back to his room and changed while Kian went to tell Dave that they were going out, so at least it wasn’t their problem if they got kidnapped or something. They met up twenty minutes later outside the lifts, and soon they were out on the streets, enjoying the sunlight and the cool breeze that was wafting through the city.

They decided to go for lunch first – it was past midday and neither had eaten. And if Mark was honest, his stomach felt empty and horrible. He was absolutely starving.

Kian pointed out a small pub not far from the hotel and they wandered inside, Kian sitting down while Mark went up to order.

Waiting for his drinks, Mark smiled to himself as he watched Kian shift in his seat. Kian was facing away from him, his head bent down over the table, the muscles in his back shifting almost unnoticeably under the purple cotton of his t-shirt. God, he was beautiful.

He took the drinks that the bartender handed him, and crossed back over to Kian, balancing the two drinks carefully. He sat down and passed Kian one.

“Here you go. Food shouldn’t be long.”

“Thanks.” Kian took a small sip of his coke, looking up at Mark from under thick auburn eyelashes.

“So… Jodi’s good then?”

Kian snorted a laugh. “Wondered when you were going to get round to that. She’s fine. We’re fine. It’s a bit odd at the moment, but we’re making the best of it. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I’m sorry, I…”

“No, that’s okay.” Kian shrugged. “Look, don’t worry about it. Like I told you last night, I really am fine.”

“Okay.” Mark mumbled awkwardly, his face hot. “Well… good.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Mark watched Kian sneak a look at him, and attempted a smile that probably came out looking more like he had wind, he felt so awkward. God, this was so hard! What were you supposed to say when the man you’d wanted forever was finally single and you _still_ couldn’t have him?

Why couldn’t he have Kian? Quite a few reasons. One, it would ruin the band if they broke up. Two, Kian had just broken up with his girlfriend. It was way too soon for him to be getting into another relationship. Three, Mark did not want to be the rebound that would be dumped the moment Kian was over Jodi. Four, Kian would laugh in his face.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.

“You okay?”

“Oh… yeah.” Mark lied, shaking himself awake.

“Okay, you looked like you were in a world of your own.”

“We’ve got a little world of our own…” Mark sang, grinning when Kian laughed. “No, seriously, I’m fine. I just don’t think I’ve woken up yet, y’know?

“Alright.” Kian nodded. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

“Hah.” Kian said, poking Mark’s hand that was laid on top of the table. Mark poked him back.

“Go ahead.”

“Who was the guy you were in love with?”

“Kian…” Mark groaned. “I’m not going to tell you.” Then he realised what Kian had said.

“So you _were_ in love with him!” Kian crowed, while Mark’s face heated up.

“Shut up. I don’t want to do this.”

“Mark…”

“Kian…”

“Mark…” Kian smirked, poking Mark again. “Please?”

Mark shook his head. He could just make something up, say ‘erm… Brad Pitt’ or something. But god knew he was an awful enough liar. He didn’t really want to lie anyway, not to Kian. There were too many lies there already.

“Kian, I really don’t want to.”

Kian looked like he was about to say more, but then leant back in his seat and directed a penetrating stare at Mark, his gaze piercing like a needle and making Mark’s breath catch. Mark swallowed.

“Okay. But I’m gonna get it out of you eventually.” Kian said.

Mark shrugged. Not likely, no matter how much he actually wanted to tell Kian. He just couldn’t. Didn’t Kian get that?

“Was it Shane?”

“God, no! Why would you think that?”

“Dunno. I figured it must be someone we know, otherwise you’d say. If it was someone we didn’t know, you would’ve just said. Like if it was Brad Pitt or someone. Is it Nicky?”

“No. Leave it.”

“…Brian?”

“No, it isn’t Brian. Stop it. I’m not telling you.”

“But is it someone we know?” Mark shrugged. He might as well humour Kian. The little sod didn’t look like he was about to give up any time soon.

“Kind of.”

“Rowen?”

“No!”

“Is it someone famous?”

“…yeah.”

“Are they… in the music industry?”

“I don’t want to play twenty questions with you.”

“Yes you do, because we are. Are they in the music industry?”

Mark sighed. “Fine. Yes.”

“Are they signed to our label?”

“Yeah.”

“Solo or in a band?”

Mark snorted. “Sorry, I thought this was twenty questions? Yes or no questions only, idiot.”

“Right. Solo?”

“No.”

“In a band?”

“Yes.”

“Rock band?”

“No.”

“Boyband?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh…” Kian paused, visibly racking his brain for another question. “Uh… English?”

“No.”

“American.”

“No.”

“Irish?”

Mark looked away, really not liking how close to the truth Kian was getting. It had been such sheer dumb luck that Kian hadn’t thought of himself when he’d been running through the other members of the band. Or maybe Kian had never thought the idea of it being himself was plausible. He was right – as if Kian ever thought someone like Mark would dare to look twice at him. It was laughable.

“Kian. Stop it.”

“Irish, then?”

“Kian, I don’t want to.”

“Were they in Boyzone? Is it Stephen? Ronan? Mikey?”

“No. Would you please stop it?”

“Does he have blue eyes?”

“Kian…”

“Does he have dark hair?”

Mark rolled his eyes, then realised what Kian’s question had actually been. Kian did have quite dark blonde hair when it wasn’t bleached to within an inch of its life. This might be the one thing that would throw Kian’s game out. A red herring. Good.

“Yes.”

Kian actually hesitated for a moment and looked down, his fingers playing with his beer mat. Mark sat back in his chair, wondering when the next barrage of questions would be forthcoming, but Kian stayed quiet and he shrugged to himself, looking away. The food arrived a few minutes later, but still Kian hadn’t spoken. Mark stayed quiet. He didn’t want to spark him off again.

“Does… is…” Kian said, and then faltered, beginning to pick at his food, glancing up at Mark for a moment. “Um… is…” He bit his lip, then shrugged. “I can’t think of any more questions.”

”Good. Kian… just leave it.”

“Do you still love him?”

“What kind of clue will that give you?” Mark hedged, pushing a nacho into his mouth to prevent himself from being able to answer any more of Kian’s questions.

“None. I’d just like to know.”

Mark just shrugged, and continued eating his meal. Kian stared at him for a second, his face twitching almost imperceptibly under a blank expression, enough to make Mark wonder what was going on in his head.

Then there was some more silence.

 

*

 

“Shane!” Shane turned around when someone called his name and hammered on the door. He yawned. He’d just gotten back from wandering around the shops with Nicky, and had almost been at his bed, ready to laze around for the rest of the day and watch some TV. He sighed and wandered over the door, half hoping whoever was there would go away by the time he got there. But they didn’t. He groaned when there was more knocking, and looked through the peephole.

Kian was stood there, shifting from foot to foot and look positively jumpy. Bugger; now Shane was interested. He didn’t want to be interested. He wanted to lie down and have a nap.

“Kian?” He muttered, coming face to face with Kian when he pulled the door open. Kian twitched, shoving past Shane and into the room. Shane sighed. Oh well, maybe he could get this over with quickly and catch the end of the football.

“What’s going on?”

“He’s in love with someone else!” Kian wailed. “I knew it! I told you, didn’t I? I’ve got absolutely no chance, and now it’s even worse because not only does he actually like lads, he likes a lad that isn’t me!”

Kian’s outburst made Shane took a few steps back, stunned. He was sure he was going to lose a limb, the way Kian was flailing.

He shut the door, not exactly wanting anyone to hear this. Then he started with the most obvious question.

“Mark’s gay?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Kian shook his head. “He’s in love with a guy.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know!” Kian exclaimed. “Look, you know how we were playing truth or dare and he said he’d fancied a guy? Well… I cornered him and… and he’s in love with some guy!”

“He told you?”

“He didn’t deny it.” Kian let out a loud, gasping sigh. “Oh shit, I’ve fucked up. I broke up with Jodi, thinking… god, I don’t know what I thought. It was a stupid thing to do, because it’s not like I would have had the guts to tell him anyway…”

“You… you broke up with Jodi?” Shane stammered, confused. He’d known Kian had a thing for Mark, but there’d been no indication that he might actually break up with Jodi over it, especially if Mark wasn’t interested.

“I… yeah.” Kian hung his head. “We never saw each other. And the way I feel about Mark… it wasn’t fair on her, even if she didn’t know about it. I never saw her. I… I didn’t really even want to see her. I only wanted… him. She told me…”

“When did this happen?”

“Couple of days ago.” Kian mumbled.

“Does Jodi know about…”

“Yeah.” Kian hung his head. “I had to tell her. But she was… I mean, she was angry, of course, but she said… that if I felt that way… I should do something about it. And I’ve been trying, in a sort of roundabout way. But he’s not…” He shook his head.

Shane sighed.

“Does Mark know? About Jodi?”

“Yeah. I told him.” Kian sighed. “I thought it might… jog him along, you know? Give me a hint if he felt anything, seeing as I wasn’t off-limits anymore.”

Shane groaned. “And…?”

“Utter disaster. He just went on about how he was my friend and how he’d always be there for me and some other crap.”

“Shit.”

“That about sums it up.” Kian laughed weakly, slumping back on the bed next to Shane. “I’ve fucked everything up, haven’t I?”

“No… not necessarily…” Shane attempted, wincing at how pathetic he sounded. “Ehm… look, tell me what he said.”

“Just… it was like twenty questions almost. He didn’t want to say anything, but I was getting desperate, so I just kept firing questions at him.”

“And he answered?”

“Sort of. Shrugged a lot.” Kian shook his head. “I just want to know who it is, you know? So I can know where I stand. That’s the worst part, you know? Not knowing who it is that’s ahead of me. Apart from all the women in the world. God, why did he have to be straight?!”

Shane ignored the question – it was too difficult to get involved in that at the moment when his head was still trying to sort through the tangle of information Kian had heaped on him.

“So what did he say?”

“I… he’s Irish.” Kian shrugged. “And he has dark hair and blue eyes. And he’s in a boyband, and he’s in the same record label as us.”

“Well… let’s be logical. Who are some other Irish boybands?”

“I couldn’t think of any, they’re all English. Just Boyzone, and he said they weren’t from Boyzone.”

“And you went through all of us?”

“Even Brian. He said no.”

“Erm… D-Side were Irish weren’t they…?”

“I doubt it. We never really met them properly… and he said it was love. Like… I think he means love, proper.”

“Hmm…” Shane racked his brain, trying to think. Dark hair, blue eyes. Dark hair, blue eyes. He glanced at Kian, thinking hard. “Did you say yourself?”

“Of course I…” Kian trailed off. “Um… I think so. But that isn’t me, anyway. He’s got dark hair and…”

“Kian, you fuckwit!” Shane exclaimed, it all becoming clear now in his head. Kian frowned, looking put out, so Shane shook his head, trying not to get too excited without reason. “Look, this is really really important.” He said as slowly as he could, putting his hand over Kian’s and staring into his face, trying to express this as clearly as possible. “I need you to think about this and answer the question.” Kian nodded slowly, even though he looked a little insulted by Shane’s patronising tone. Shane didn’t care, the end justified the means. “Are you absolutely sure you said yourself?”

Kian’s eyes almost shut down for a second. His lids didn’t close, but his gaze looked hazy and he stared off over Shane’s shoulder. His tongue ran over his lips.

“No.” He said finally.

“No, you’re not sure, or no, you didn’t say yourself.”

“No, I’m not sure.” Kian bit his lip. “I thought I did, but I…” He shrugged up at Shane. “I might’ve not.”

“Well, let’s look at the evidence.” Shane rolled his eyes, but felt himself begin to smile underneath the sheer frustration he was feeling at the blonde in front of him. “Boyband. SonyBMG. Irish.” He poked Kian in the forehead. “Blue eyes.”

“Dark hair.”

“You fuckwit!” Shane exclaimed, unable to hold in the laughter. “Look, I know you like to think the bleach is natural, but it's not that light! It's not like he said black hair, just dark.”

“Ehm… Oh!” Kian gasped, making Shane laugh hysterically, rolling back on the bed and clutching his stomach while Kian’s face went bright red. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s me!”

“Good enough!” Still laughing, Shane jumped up and grabbed Kian by the shoulders, manhandling him to the door while the younger boy struggled and shoved back. He opened the door and shoved Kian out, rolling his eyes at his shocked face.

“Tell him!” He cried, and then slammed the door in Kian’s face.

 

*

 

Mark was sitting in a chair by the window, reading through a magazine, when the knocking started. He’d been quite enjoying it, actually, spending a bit of time by himself, away from all the bloody distractions. Away from Kian. God, it was getting harder and harder. Kian just couldn’t bloody let up, and even though Mark was getting terribly annoyed with him, he still didn’t doubt for a second the way he felt about the older boy. He’d thought about asking Nicky for help, get him to… protect him, or something. But right now he couldn’t be bothered. He just wanted some time by himself to block the world out.

Nicky had already rung today, anyway, calling from the room across the hall just to harass Mark. About Kian. Someone Mark really wanted to think about when he was this miserable. Fucking Kian. Fucking Nicky. He wanted to be left alone, to wallow in his misery.

So when there was a sharp, staccato rap at the door, he groaned.

He thought about pretending he wasn’t there for a second, but decided against it in the end. If he went missing, they’d all start worrying and send out search parties or something. In case he’d been kidnapped. The best he could do was see who it is, and then politely ask them to go away.

He forced himself out of his very comfy chair, blinking as he moved out of the steady stream of sunlight that had been showering down over him. He staggered to the door, waited a moment for his eyes to adjust, sighed when he heard another rap at the door, and looked through the peephole.

Kian.

Bloody wonderful.

He opened the door.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Kian looked oddly jumpy. Mark couldn’t quite place it, but there was something nervous about him. He was shifting from foot to foot, biting his lip. “Can I come in?” He said. His voice wobbled a little.

“Ehm… of course.” Mark stood back, holding the door while Kian lurched past him. “What’s wrong?”

“Uh… uh…” Kian bit his lip again, his eyes not catching Mark’s. “Sit down?”

“Alright.” Mark conceded, collapsing into a chair and looking up at the jittery smaller lad, who had begun to play with his own hands, his fingers twisting and jerking around each other. He picked at his nails, then began to bite one. Mark stared at him, a nasty feeling beginning to settle in his stomach. Kian got angry when he was stressed, not nervous like this. What the hell was going on?

“I gotta ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

“It’s about the guy…”

“Not again!” The heavy feeling settling in Mark’s stomach suddenly grew barbed and knotted around his heart. He swallowed, feeling slightly sick.

“Was… was it me?”

“I…” Mark swallowed again, his mouth suddenly very dry. His heart hurt, it had gone from fast to racing so quickly. He swore it had skipped a few beats in the meantime. “I’m sorry?”

“Was… oh shit. I was wrong, wasn’t I?” Kian’s face was turning red now, and he buried his face in his hands, turning aimlessly so he faced the door, looking as though he was trying to figure out the quickest way to escape through it. “Oh shit! I’m sorry, forget I said anything!”

“Uh… why… why do you ask?” Mark stammered, Kian’s behaviour certainly worrying, and oddly… encouraging. Kian gulped.

“I just… I thought...” Kian shook his head, already heading for the door. “Look, it doesn’t even matter.”

“No… why did you ask?” Mark lurched out of his seat and bolted over to where Kian was, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Kian turned, his cheeks red and eyes confused.

“I… I…”

Then Kian kissed him.

It happened so quickly Mark couldn’t even get his head around it. First Kian spun to face him and his arm came out, hooking around Mark’s neck before Mark could even take a breath. Then Kian’s lips forced over his.

It wasn’t a perfect kiss – far from it. It was hard, and sudden, and done with so little finesse it would have been embarrassing if it wasn’t Kian doing it. Mark’s bottom teeth caught Kian’s top lip, their chins clashed, and their noses got seriously in the way.

Then Kian stepped away, catching his breath, and Mark didn’t think he could remember how to breathe.

“Oh.” He said.

“Shit.” Kian breathed. “Sorry.”

“No…” Mark wanted to say something encouraging, but couldn’t come up with anything, so he just grabbed Kian and kissed him again. This one was more of a triumph. Their noses only bumped once before they got the hang of it, and it was slow enough to not be nearly as confusing. It was still messy, and it was still awkward, but it was such a nice kind of awkward that Mark didn’t think he ever wanted to stop. Especially not when Kian’s tongue slid hesitantly across Mark’s top lip and then slipped in, his hands finding a tentative hold on Mark’s waist.

Kian tasted like chips and coke.

They parted a moment later, Mark licking his lips, wanting to keep Kian’s taste forever. Kian bit his lip, and Mark laughed when he saw a goofy smile spread over Kian’s face.

“Uh… wow.” Kian said. “Why didn’t I do that ages ago?”

“Did you want to?”

“God, since forever.” Kian breathed, his hands tightening around Mark’s waist. Mark laughed.

“Me too.”

“We’re such enormous fuckheads.” Kian laughed, then stopped and cocked his head. “So, just to clarify… was it me?”

“It’s always been you.” Mark felt colour build high in his cheeks at the confession, and the same goofy smile that had spread over Kian’s face began to inch across his own.

“Oh… good.” Kian laughed, craning his neck for another kiss. Mark accepted this one happily, enjoying the soft, slow buzz that filled his head and body. It was like being drunk… the room was spinning. Kian made a lovely little noise in the back of his throat and that, combined with the soft warmth of Kian’s mouth, made Mark want to give him the world.

They finally parted again, Kian’s lips barely leaving his, their noses still brushing. It was the most incredible thing Mark had ever felt. And smelled. And tasted. And wanted.

Kian laughed softly, his breath making soft puffs on Mark’s mouth. Mark licked his lips.

“This is a bad idea, you know. For the band. For our friendship.”

“I know, fucking awful idea.” Kian murmured, his eyes undeniably fixed on Mark’s mouth. “I don’t care.” Mark kissed him again, suddenly addicted. Kian giggled against his lips. Mark pulled away, laughing too.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…” Kian smiled, his hand snaking further around Mark’s waist and pulling them flush against each other. Mark suddenly wanted to do a lot more than kiss Kian. “…truth or dare?”

Mark’s hands somehow found their way into Kian’s back pockets.

“Truth.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yeah.” Mark felt his face grow almost as hot as his body. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Do you love me?”

“Definitely.” Kian smiled, a cute lopsided smile. Mark wanted to cry. It was perfect. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Never stop kissing me.”

“Okay.” Mark nodded seriously, pulling Kian closer than he thought was possible. “Truth or…”

Kian laughed. “Shut up and kiss me, fuckwit.”

So Mark did. And it was messy. And it was perfect.

No more games.


End file.
